so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
