It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
