My friends, they love my intelligence
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
