fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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