Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
