i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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