wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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