he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
