I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize