I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
