New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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