Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
