Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
