saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
