I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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