Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love you. Go after that dick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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