dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
