No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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