he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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