At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
