VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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