Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
