the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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