end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
