please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
