onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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