I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
