i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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