shes about as inviting as chlamydia
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What a dumb baby whore.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
