Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
