yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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