So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
