Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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