Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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