Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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