Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
