my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
