Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When are your genitals available?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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