I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
