You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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