I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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