omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
