Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
