If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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