just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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