I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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