If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
