I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sext me about skeletons
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
