she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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