If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
