Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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