I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
