you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
