Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
