if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
