So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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