Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
