I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
