i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
