I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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