You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
