i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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