The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
